


I'm Here, I Exist, You Can Count On Me!

by plantbunny



Category: Vampyr (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, IM IMPORTANT AHHH, also reader is waman :D, and she is... small..., im literally inserting myself into the story, im really not sure where im going with any of this, other characters are talked about in passing for rn, this is so self indulgent, we'll see, well i made this a reader story so i guess... youre important ;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2020-10-27 18:57:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20765330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantbunny/pseuds/plantbunny
Summary: You are a young nurse working at Pembroke hospital. It's tough, but here you are. One day a mesmerizing doctor falls into your life, and you really don't ever want him to leave it. You want to help him in whatever way you can, you feel this... draw to him. You want to hold him, make him feel better, show him that he doesn't have to be strong all the time.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay bruhs, i dont know really know where I'm going with this story, i just started replaying the game recently on baby mode cause i couldnt beat it the first time on normie mode, so now im like way invested in these characters again. boy do i love to insert myself into stories, and now you can too! ;) i haaaate unfinished stories, so i'm gonna try my best with this, i'll see where it starts to go. I'm sticking to the plot as much as i can, if youve played the game you'll know all the stuff jonathans up to cause i wont really be able to delve into it much, since this is mostly the reader POV. Also jonathan is baby boy in this, no major character kills.

It’s not easy to be a nurse right now in London. Even worse to be one at the Pembroke, which is suffering so badly from the epidemic, the influx of patients coughing and wheezing and dying around you, some nights it’s too difficult to bear. Some of your fellow nurses had already resigned, but to you, it didn’t make sense to. You had no family left, and you lived in the run- down district of Whitechapel. What was there to resign to? Better to die helping people than to die holed up in your apartment. But still... every night seemed to bring a new tragedy. More deaths, more resignations. Dr. Swansea tried to keep the morale up but there was a tired look behind his eyes, as if he too was afraid of the losses this hospital kept suffering from. Operating in the heart of London’s slums, the Pembroke was a beacon of hope in the darkness of the time, but you worried night after night how long the lights could remain on. Dr. Swansea had left a few days ago to attend to a personal matter, you noted he had not returned for quite some time. You were the duty nurse tonight, overseeing nurse Crane and nurse Hawkins. You had ushered nurse Brannigan home a few hours ago and assured her you’d take her place as duty nurse as she looked as though she could pass out at any moment. She was an older nurse, and the exhaustion of the endless nights was definitely getting to her. You knew she was more capable than any nurse here, and often inquired about certain medical questions you had with her - for you felt more comfortable in the women’s presence than any of the male doctors here. You saw nurse Crane rush out the doors and peaked out to see what she had seen. You spotted a boat pulling up to the hospital's dock and realized that Dr. Swansea had returned from his trip away! And... you squinted your eyes, looking harder into the night, and there were others, a man, tall and well dressed, helping a smaller and weaker man out of the boat and into Dorothy’s arms. Pippa had come up beside you now and quirked her eyebrow.

“What’s the show about?” She said questioningly. You looked at her out of the corner of your eye.

“Dr. Swansea is back, and he’s brought people.” “Great, more dying patients to treat.” She said with a huff as she turned on her heel and returned to her rounds. You rolled your eyes at her bluntness and flicked them back to see Dr. Swansea rushing up from the dock and coming over to you.

“We have been gifted with a wonderful practitioner today who will be joining us here at Pembroke. He will be using the spare room at the end of the hall upstairs. Please tell him he is free to go there whenever he chooses to do so. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must head to my office at once.” To you it sounded like he said all that in one breath, and as quick as he had come to you, he walked by you and up the stairs, disappearing into his office. You noted the task he’d given you and were about to meet up with Dorothy first to see if she needed help with their new patient but stopped when you saw the other passenger climb up the steps of the dock and look around. This must be the new doctor. Getting a better look at him now that he was closer, you noted, again, how _tall_ he was, how his piercing blue eyes seemed to gleam and how his finely tailored coat billowed behind him as he walked to meet and speak with some of the people in the hospital’s courtyard. You almost couldn’t find your voice as he bid Dr. Tippets farewell and began to walk towards you. You caught each other’s eyes and he stopped, tilted his head way down to hold your gaze and he smiled, softly.

“Hello, I’m doctor Jonathan Reid, I will be joining you here at the Pembroke, I look forward to working with you.” You blinked in surprise that he would go out of his way to introduce himself to you, a nurse. He put out his hand to shake and you took it sheepishly. You were making a terrible first impression, you hadn’t answered him yet!! Speak!

“I-I am nurse (l/n), I’m the duty nurse tonight. It is a pleasure to meet you as well, I’m so glad to have a new staff member to assist us. Dr. Swansea told me to inform you that you have been given an office upstairs for your work, it is the last room at the end of the corridor after the stairs. You pointed at the wide set of stairs behind you. He nodded and smiled again. You really, really liked that smile.  
“Thank you, I will be resting tonight but will be working the night shifts here. If you need me, just knock on my door.” He nodded his head once and then strode away, leaving you oddly speechless and a bit winded. What an interesting figure, you remarked. You were excited to see what he would bring to the hospital. For now, you turned and reentered the hospital, settling in for another long night.


	2. Chapter 2

The next night was the first night he was on duty. Dr. Swansea had gathered most of the staff earlier that day to inform them all about Dr. Reid. He was a very well renowned doctor from London who had just returned from the war and who specialized in blood transfusions. Dr. Swansea gushed about his talent, just like him to do so, you thought, smirking a bit. Most of the staff didn’t seem too interested, but you hung on every word Dr. Swansea said, wanted to know everything you could about the doctor for when night came. Maybe he would converse with you again, if he was free. For some reason you really wanted that, for not many people here seemed too talkative. You understood why, but nonetheless, you still wanted more affable company as you grinded through your graveyard shift. Pippa was out of the question, very quiet and snarky for the most part. Dorothy was kind, but usually busy, and kept to herself, and Gwyn was helpful, and you loved asking her questions, but she was very professional and didn’t usually prefer to talk about idle subjects. You would never neglect your work, you thought, but conversation is still possible even as tasks are being completed. Just once you’d like to really form a bond here. 

You had come from checking on Mr. Clay Cox, who had been found by Dr. Reid on his first night before coming up the stairs and who was quite the asshole if you weren’t mincing words. All he could talk about as you checked his vitals was your body, and you would have slapped him if you weren’t as levelheaded as you were. You gritted your teeth and walked away, back through the hospital doors, and noticed Dr. Reid checking in on Mr. Sean Hampton, who you recognized as the Sad Saint of the East End. He had been the patient brought in that night by Dorothy, and you and she had both fussed over him until he begged to lay down and rest. He really did need it, and he looked a bit better today, you noted as he sat upright speaking to Dr. Reid. You caught yourself staring and averted your gaze, busying yourself with paperwork that needed to be refiled. As you were separating the files at the front desk, you heard footsteps coming up beside you. Looking up, you found Dr. Reid hovering close. He straightened his back, embarrassed. 

“Sorry for looking over your shoulder, nurse (l/n). Are those patient files?” He pointed to the ones in your hands. 

“Yes, some of them anyways, I’m afraid I’m missing quite a few of them at the moment. Doctors here love to take them on a whim and not bring them back or refile them.” You huffed and set the files back on the table. Dr. Reid chuckled and set a large hand on your shoulder. The weight of it made you jump a bit. You apologized quickly. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just, I’m so out of sorts at the moment trying to organize things. You wouldn’t believe what terrible state this hospital is in.” You sighed and the hand tightened on your shoulder in a comforting gesture. 

“I’m so sorry it’s been rough here. I can sense the hard work and determination coming from this institution, I can only imagine what you all have been going through before I returned from France. This epidemic has been quite a shock for me.” Yeah, definitely for you as well. You shrugged a bit as his hand dropped back to his side. 

“I was told it hit us hard last summer and we thought we had beat it. But now it’s back and worse than ever, some days I wonder if it’ll ever end...” you turned your head away and looked out the doors into the night. Such a long, dark, endless night awaited you out there, it felt eternal, just like the suffering here. You looked back at Dr. Reid to find him staring deeply at your neck, before blinking once and averting his eyes quickly. Regaining his focus, you observed, he spoke again. 

“I am not familiar with the customs of this hospital, and you seem the most appropriate to speak to considering you are the duty nurse of the night shift. Tell me, what usually happens here at night?” You opened your mouth to tell him that you are actually not usually the duty nurse at night, that was nurse Branagan, but bit your tongue and instead answered. You’d tell him later. 

“Well, many patients require hourly check-ups due to the severity of their condition. The nurses tend to cycle in attending to these, to allow the others breaks. Vitals are taken and current statues are reported. The doctors are normally focusing on the more difficult cases. Currently there is a patient, Harvey Fiddick, who requires surgery for his arm... I’m afraid both Dr. Ackroyd and Dr. Strickland seem at an impasse on how to perform the procedure. Maybe you should go talk to them both about the situation. There is also a patient, Mortimer Gosswick, who arrived here with his mother a few nights ago. He was in very poor condition, on death’s doorstep, but he’s stable now. Tests were being run as of my knowledge. I’m not sure what had become of that, we don’t know yet if it’s the flu or not. Checking on him might be a good idea too.” You rattled off a few more patients as you watched the doctor listen intently and ask dozens of questions. It was so strange for you to be paid so much attention, for someone to actually want to listen to what you have to say. As you finished, you refocused yourself to the doctor and smiled. “I think that’s everything, before you go, may I ask how you’re doing tonight?” You wanted to be polite and quite frankly, you wanted to know. He thought for a moment. 

“I’m... alright I suppose. I needed some good rest, I think. I’m just hoping I can be of assistance here.” You laughed. 

“Oh god, any help we can get here is much appreciated. And Dr. Swansea had only glowing praise about your talents, so I have no doubt you’ll be very helpful.” You saw a faint blush creep up Dr. Reid’s pale cheeks. 

“He spoke about me? I didn’t know... ah, I didn’t expect to have an introduction made or anything of the sort like that.” Ha, he was bashful. A modest doctor, you realized, how cute. 

“We’re all grateful to have you here.” You said. In truth, you didn’t know how the others felt, but you were telling him the truth about your own feelings. You were excited and happy to have him here. You weren’t quite sure why, but you felt like he would bring change. Much needed change. And that made you feel hope. You both bid each other farewell with a smile and wave, and as you turned back to the paperwork, you found you couldn’t get that smile off your face. How peculiar.


	3. Chapter 3

Night after night you worked, it was tough, but you managed. As reclusive as Dr. Reid seemed to be with most people, you noticed he was particularly more open with you, always talking to you and asking how your day had gone. You would always inquire the same and not get much of a response. What did he do during the day? You only ever saw him around at night as he completed his shifts, and he would disappear into his room as the sunrise filled the horizon to greet another day. You would always ponder this thought as you walked back to your home in Whitechapel during the early morning, greeting the people there and sometimes walking back with Dorothy. At a certain crossroads she would bid you goodbye and rush away, off to work on her side project, you supposed. You knew about Dorothy’s dispensary, but said nothing to others about it. As a Whitechapel citizen, you respected her desire to help the poor and impoverished that existed here. Many were immigrants that just needed help, and too many people took advantage of them here. What nurse Crane was doing was a real blessing, and so you kept quiet. In times like these, illegal didn’t mean too much in terms of what should and shouldn’t be done. Many illegal things happened everyday around here, but sometimes they were necessary.

One particular night Dr. Reid was called into Dr. Swansea’s office. You knew you shouldn’t pry, but you wondered what they could be talking about up there. You had always wanted to be a doctor but fell short due to your gender. Some days all you could think about was the anger that filled you over not being able to become a practitioner. Stuck as a lowly nurse, unable to truly make an impact. You wanted to be up there, being important, being known. It made you a bit sour as you saw Dr. Reid quietly exit Dr. Swansea’s office, but when you noticed the concerned and frustrated look on his face, your heart melted at once. It must not have been good news. You two met eyes and he nodded once at you and gave you a small, tired smile before walking out and heading towards a far tent. You knew who was in that tent. You knew it was Lady Ashbury, the mysterious woman who funds the hospital. That was pretty much all you knew, aside from something else about her. But you’d rather not say. It really wasn’t your place to. You realized you felt like that about most things. Where was your place? Did you even have one? Was there anywhere you could go where you’d ever be able to speak and be heard? The anxiety and stress must have been written on your face as you checked on one of your patients, who actually seemed to be recovering from an acute case of the flu. It had been caught very fast and treated, and it seemed the person was doing better. They looked at you strangely and asked if you were alright. You felt terrible making them worry about you, and quickly waved off any concern they may have had. You commended their progress sincerely, happy that someone would actually be leaving this hospital cured. As you finished up, you turned to find Dr. Reid again, very close to you and intently staring at you. You jumped.

“Oh, goodness, Dr. Reid, you scared the hell out of me.” Perhaps he didn’t realize how imposing and intense his presence alone was with you, and he shrunk back on himself. You instantly felt bad and reached out to him without thinking, placing a hand on his bicep, unable to comfortably reach his shoulder. Your touch seemed to soothe him. He sighed out a tense breath and beckoned you over to a more private part of the hospital. What had Dr. Swansea and Lady Ashbury talked to him about that he wanted to discuss with you? Did it even have anything to do with that conversation? Your heart pounded as you stood together alone. It seemed he could sense your uneasiness.

“Are you alright? You’ve done nothing wrong, if you are worried.” You shook your head, not even thinking that could have been a thing. That would have been bad.

“Oh, no, it's just, you seem very out of sorts tonight, very stressed. I noticed you talking with some important people from the hospital, is something wrong?” He raised his eyebrow at your acute observation of his state and sighed in relief at your kindness and sincerity. His shoulders sagged, he looked tired.

“I don’t know much yet, but I’ve been informed that there is a form of blackmail going on that is affecting someone important here. I have been tasked with finding this person and bringing the blackmail to an end. I spoke to Ms. Harriet Jones because most people pinned her as a good source for gossip, and she mentioned the nurses here acting strangely. I trust you, so I wanted to ask if you knew anything.”

Your heart jumped when he told you he trusted you. Holy shit. No way. You felt blood heating your cheeks up and you knew that Dr. Reid must have noticed. There’s no way he didn’t, when you blush your face looks red as a tomato. You cleared your throat and thought for a moment. There are only two women you figured would be capable of blackmail, and only one that would be bold enough to do it to someone influential. You sighed, upset. You really, really didn’t want to sell Dorothy out, but you wanted to help Dr. Reid so much. You decided to give him a small hint, something to go on without instantly incriminating her.

“I…I can’t say much, but I will say, that if there’s anyone you should talk to, its nurse Crane. She may be down by the dock right now, I saw her head that way a little while ago.” Dorothy had a tendency to slip away during her shifts for a time, probably to attend to other responsibilities, it never bothered you really, you knew she only did it when nurse Branagan was not the duty nurse, for she would ream her out. You were the duty nurse tonight, and she knew she was safe to go about her tasks. You felt a pit of guilt in your stomach at the thought of betraying your fellow nurse. Dr. Reid sensed the pain that flickered across your eyes. He didn’t acknowledge it though, simply nodded.

“That is very helpful, I will follow that lead. Nurse (l/n), thank you for helping me. You have no idea how nervous I’ve been taking on such a daunting task. A lot is resting on me, you could say.” You understood. The hospital could definitely be in jeopardy is someone tied to it was in trouble. That would be terrible if so. He bid you farewell and began to exit the room when you stopped him for a moment by pulling on his coat weakly.

“I-if you could, please don’t tell anyone I told you. She’s my friend, and she is a good person. Also, if you’d like, you can call me (y/n). I wouldn’t mind.” You smiled softly, glancing up at him quickly to gauge his reaction. He was stunned for just a moment, before blushing softly and smiling back.

“I understand your reasons for secrecy, and shall respect them, I promise. If I am to call you (y/n), then you must call me Jonathan, okay?” he winked at you and opened the door, leaving you behind once again with a racing heart and tomato red face. Oh, that doctor, he was going to be the death of you. You wondered if he realized how much he charmed you, a stupid thought. Of course he knew, you wore your emotions on your sleeve around him, you couldn’t help it. You sighed and left the room as well, pulling the door shut quietly behind you and returning to your duties as you watched him descend the dock stairs outside and out of sight.


	4. Chapter 4

Jonathan was gone for a while. It put you on immense edge. You knew he must be investigating the blackmail. You spoke with people in Whitechapel during the day and they admitted they had seen him around at night asking questions. You never saw him though, as you were always at the hospital when he conducted his research. Only working at night, how dangerous. He’d be better off asking during the day when there were more people around, and Dorothy was fully dedicated to her dispensary. It made no sense to you, but you shrugged it off. Honestly, you just wanted him to come back to the hospital. You just wanted to see him again, see his face, hear his voice… his laugh. Ugh, you hated how he made you feel, you didn’t have time to feel this way with everything that was going on. Pippa took notice of your melancholy state during all the Jonathan-less nights. She of course, poked fun at you, and you rolled your eyes like you always did and brushed her off. As if she was any better, hooking up with Milton. But at least she had the guts to do it. You could never _ever_ tell Jonathan how you felt. God, you still wondered if you’d have the courage to actually call him Jonathan in conversation. You hadn’t spoken to him since you agreed to be on a first name basis, and the exchange still made your heart flutter when you recalled it. His soft, low voice, that damned _smirk_. You shook your head to metaphorically wave away the thought. You needed to get work done. But just as you were about to return to it, you were tapped on the shoulder. You turned to stand face to face with your boss, Dr. Swansea. You thought it funny, how small he was, only a few inches taller than your small frame. Seeing him reminded you of how he had hired you after the first wave of the flu had died down, last fall. You were determined to turn over a new leaf then, and this place was just what you needed. How grateful you were for his kindness and willingness to let you redeem yourself. You put a smile on your face and greeted him.

“Dr. Swansea, hello. To what do I owe this personal exchange?” Dr. Swansea didn’t commonly speak with the nurses one on one. He seemed stressed, but then again, when didn’t he? He wrung his hands and flicked his eyes around, to see if anyone was around them, but no, most were outside for their smoke break or tending to patients. Finally, he spoke.

“Have you spoken to Dr. Reid recently? Or heard of his whereabouts?” He seemed nervous as he spoke. Your breath hitched.

“W-why would you think that I-I would-“ you stammered, embarrassed. You couldn’t believe that out of all the people in the hospital, Dr. Swansea would ask _you_ if you knew where Jonathan was. God you wish you knew.

“W-well it’s just that I’ve noticed you two grow close over the course of his stay here. He seems… rather fond of you.” He smiled a bit as he looked at you. “You’re a very capable nurse, you’ve undoubtably proved yourself more than talented through your stay here, I can see why he might be taken with you.”

You were floored. You knew your face was beet red, and you couldn’t even find words to speak. Dr. Swansea had _noticed_ that Jonathan was _FOND_ of you? Oh man, your idiot brain hadn’t even really considered it, focusing instead on your own stupid feelings and also constantly denying that anyone ever felt anything for you. Dr. Swansea saw you stunned with silence and relented his verbal feelings assault.

“Oh goodness, I can see now though that you are just as unaware of his location as I. Well please, if you do hear from him, it’s very important that I speak to him, please tell him that.” He nodded once and patted your shoulder reassuringly, realizing you definitely needed the reassurance, god help you, and turned to retreat back to his office. What a bewildering conversation. You walked into a back room, dazed, and calmed yourself. Thoughts still swirled in your head, but you managed to get your composure back and make your way to leave. That was, before you heard a dull thump from above you. You cocked your head, it sounded like someone had fallen, but the room above you was just… it was… it was Jonathan’s room! Surprised, you wondered if he had come in while you were in the storage room. You quickly exited and headed up the stairs to investigate. You were uncharacteristically excited to see him, more excited than you’ve been about anything in a long time. That excitement caused you to forget to knock, throwing the door open to see-

Jonathan stood on the balcony in his office, a large, limp body clutched in his hands and his face buried deep into the man’s neck. The sound of the door opening caused his head to bolt up, looking straight ahead and into your wide eyes. You stood stock still, heart pounding, locked in Jonathan’s penetrating gaze, his normally light blue eyes contrasted against deep red sclera. His mouth was hanging open in shock, he was just as still as you. Your eyes flickered to the blood specked fangs that protruded from his mouth. You- you couldn’t believe- you-

“Oh dear god… oh (y/n)… no…” Jonathan almost cried as he dropped the body in his arms. The sudden motion caused you to flinch and look down at once to the limp corpse at his feet. You… recognized that uniform. The guard. You had known they were getting bolder, but they must also be getting stupider to end up in an ekon’s embrace. Looking back to Jonathan, you saw him quiver on the verge of tears. His legs shook and his arms flew to cover his mouth and wipe away the blood that was dripping off his chin and onto the wood floor. He turned and you realized he was about to flee into the night, probably never to return to you. You’d… never see him again. God, no, you had to let him know- you had to stop him before-

“Wait! Wait, please! Jonathan don’t-“ You threw your hands up and quickly turned and shut the door to keep prying eyes away. You kept your hands outstretched, like trying to calm a scared animal, and took a hesitant step forward. “Please… don’t go.” You didn’t know what else to say. Were you afraid? You can’t say your heart wasn’t pounding and your breath wasn’t quick and unsteady, but was that out of fear of what he was, or fear of losing him? You couldn’t tell. You didn’t turn your misty eyes from him for a second, watching him freeze again midturn, and look back at you with wide, fearful eyes. Deep, thin, red veins creeped out around his eyes popping against the shadowy dark circles encompassing them, giving his gaze a haunting look. His eyes flickered with confusion at your response to this whole situation, and though he didn’t move, he didn’t leave either. You took that as a good sign. With another small step forward, hands still outstretched, you spoke again in a gentler voice.

“Please, come. Let’s- let’s talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for a feelsfest lol. this doctor is about to CRY  
also, i didnt really like mention this, but our reader here is gonna have like, a bit of a past? im trying to figure out how to work it in. hope you enjoy yall! cant wait to write angst


	5. Chapter 5

Jonathan was very confused. Why would you want him to stay when he was the monster that he was, when you had just seen him drain the life from a living being? How were you not screaming, turning on your heel and running for your life to tell everyone about the killer he was? Sheer curiosity about this made him turn away from the balcony and straighten his back to stand fully again. You were still making careful steps to him until you two were both standing together on the small overhang. You dropped your hands to your sides. Okay, you had gotten him to stay, now what? He wasn’t talking, only peering at you wearily, like he felt this shouldn’t be happening. In all truth, you were surprised this was happening too. You never imagined that the good doctor Reid, who was usually soft spoken and reserved and all too willing to kindly help anyone he met would actually be this type of creature. But you had learned long ago to not judge a book by its cover.

You broke the silence. You had to. It was getting to be too much.

“It’s… It’s been awhile Dr. R- I mean, Jonathan.” Your face heated up as soon as the words rolled off your tongue. “We were beginning to worry about you. I see now though that worry may not have been necessary. It seems you can handle yourself.” You smirked a bit. At first you had been worried about him walking around Whitechapel without a care because of some of the… types that lived there. Nowhere around here was particularly a “nice neighborhood”, and you could tell that he was definitely raised in a place much different than this one. But you supposed being a vampire gave him much more confidence strolling through these battered streets at night. Jonathan didn’t answer, just slightly frowned. This worried you. Was he upset with you? Maybe you should have just let him go… maybe he didn’t want to be here. You tried again. “Do you want to move inside? I’m sure it’ll be much more comfortable; you can get… cleaned up.” God, why were you so awful at talking? Nonetheless, Jonathan acknowledged your words and took a step towards you to move inside. You tried to move, you really did, but felt compelled to stay still. He stepped forward again, now in front of you. He looked down and you looked up and you met eyes. Why couldn’t you move, why couldn’t you breathe? Jonathan furrowed his brows, and finally spoke, at a voice only above a whisper.

“You put on an act well, (y/n), but I can tell you're afraid. Your mind holds no secrets that I can’t unlock. Even now I compel you to still, a trait I have only so that I may take from you what you and all humans hold so preciously. That is the sick power I wield, and it is why you should be afraid.” He said this through gritted teeth, obviously upset. You felt tears prick your eyes as you fought against his mental suggestion and brought an arm up to rest gently on his. His eyes widened at your motion.

“I’m not afraid of you, Jonathan, if I truly was, I wouldn’t be here. I’m here because you are someone I _care_ about. And, if you really wanted to kill me, you would have done it by now.” You said matter-of-factly. He rolled his eyes dramatically and guided you inside with him. Releasing his mental hold on you, he walked over to the corner of his room and set some weapons down on the table before shrugging his coat off. You realized you’d never seen him without that long coat on. He must really like it. He also liked layers apparently, as he took off his dark blazer and tie. His white shirt was now stained heavily with blood. He looked up, maybe searching for an inkling of disgust, but you just held his gaze, which seemed to constantly be surprising him considering how his eyes looked, but you didn’t care.

“Is it okay if I change?” his sudden words spooked you slightly, and you nodded a little too quickly as you found a seat on a small armchair in the room. He grabbed some fresh clothes from the closet and walked behind a divider in the room to undress. “You know,” he started, “Most people don’t handle this sort of… revelation with as much _ease_ as you do.” you guessed he must not be used to people not screaming at him or trying to kill him when he made himself known to them.

“Let’s just say I have a bit of… prior experience with matters like these. I already knew your kind existed. I’m just a bit shocked to learn you’re one of them.” Jonathan’s head poked out from behind the divider. He asked the question you knew he was going to ask, you braced for it.

“How did you know vampires existed?”

You shrugged, not looking up at him. “It’s really not important, what I’m more interested in is what you found out about the blackmail. Did you find anything in Whitechapel?” You almost prayed he would drop the question, realizing you didn’t want to talk about it. You also were genuinely curious, you crossed your fingers that it really hadn’t been Dorothy, but honestly, you didn’t have much hope it wasn’t.

Jonathan was quiet for a moment. Then he came out from behind the divider with a new set of clothes on, looking mostly like he did before. He walked over to you and leaned against a table close to you and crossed his arms.

“Actually, yes. Your suggestion was immensely helpful, it was in fact nurse Crane that was behind the blackmail of Ms. Lady Ashbury and-“ You gasped. Dorothy had been blackmailing Lady Ashbury?? Jonathan hadn’t told you who was on the other side of this situation, and to find out that it was the ethereal Lady, who you knew through certain means was also of Jonathan’s kind, made you grimace. Dorothy was in deep shit. No wonder Dr. Swansea had sent Jonathan to investigate this. It dawned on you that Dr. Swansea must know about Jonathan’s condition, and most likely Lady Ashbury’s as well. Hm, he must have some type of thing for them. All the while you were lost in thought, and Jonathan had paused at your small outburst. He realized you had not known that it was Lady Ashbury that was being blackmailed and tsked. “Ah, perhaps I shouldn’t have shared that information with you… but it really doesn’t make a difference to me. You seem trustworthy, or at least, I know I trust you. Tell me, do you know the identity of Lady Ashbury as well?” Those words “_I trust you” _brought you out of your thoughts. It never ceased to make your heart race to know that he thought of you as a closer companion than most of the people here. His question though again brought you back into territory you wished he wouldn't broach. You'd hate for him to despise you, after how close you two have grown.

“Ah, you flatter me. Yes, I’m, uh, aware, of her existence as… y’know, it just, something I figured out one day.” You changed the subject again quickly. "I… I have to ask, what did you do- I mean, how did you resolve the situation with Dorothy?” You hadn’t meant to phrase your question in such an accusatory tone, you really didn’t. But all of this new information coming to light, Jonathan’s true nature and the identity of the person being blackmailed made the conclusion of his investigation all the more important and pressing. You didn’t want to believe that he had harmed her. She was a good person, albeit stubborn. Surely, he wouldn’t…? You looked to him curiously. He adverted his gaze from you in discomfort. He must have caught on to your thoughts. You felt bad instantly and wished you could take the words back.

“Nurse Crane is fine, we came to a sort of… agreement. She will not be returning to the hospital and will instead be dedicating herself full time to her work in Whitechapel. I admire her efforts to care for less fortunate people, just not the way she funds her work. But it's all resolved now, I was going to go tell Lady Ashbury and Dr. Swansea after I was more… presentable, but it seems you got to me first.” He smirked, seeming to have loosened again and setting your words behind him. It made you sigh in relief, both that he had opened himself up to you and that the blackmail had resolved itself without the need for any violence. You were sad that Dorothy wouldn't be return to Pembroke (the hospital was already so low on staff as it was) but you would definitely be sure to check in on her and Mr. Petrescu sometime to see if they needed any help.

“That’s so good to hear, I know now that I probably shouldn’t be but… I was really worried about you.” You weren’t used to being so open and bare with your feelings, but there was just something about him that made you want to talk, it’s like you knew he would listen. Jonathan smiled softly and came over to take a seat next to you.

“Thank you for your sincerity, it seems like ever since I’ve been afflicted with this condition, I’ve had to set aside everything to fight this war against disease, right after returning from another war. It seems like there’s no end to the suffering… it’s a lot to handle. I guess, knowing there are people like you behind me who worry is reassuring. Thank you for trusting me, I’ll do my best not to disappoint.” You smiled big and nodded.

“That won’t be hard! Just know I’m here for you if you ever need me.” You meant that, you really did. Jonathan smiled at you once more and reached out and squeezed your hand. His fingers were cold but comforting to hold. He then stood and headed for the door. You followed after him, realizing you two have been in here for a long time. People were probably looking for you, you realized. You hurried out with him as he shut the door. You two bid each other farewell as he headed to Dr. Swansea’s office and you rushed downstairs, only to get yelled at by your coworkers. Yep, they definitely had noticed your absence. But it was worth it, if only to grow closer to this now less mysterious doctor. There was so much more you wanted to know, and you hoped he’d give you the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg ahhh sorry sorry i know i promised angst but i actually got the games events mixed up -m- its been a lil minute since i played. there will be angst tho, soon..., also i almost accidentally wrote him changing in front of you but then i slapped my hand like "no its not THAT kinda fic" i mean... it could be, but maybe ill write something separate for that owo


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late night update? sure why not

You didn’t get a chance to speak with Jonathan again after that conversation though. What Dr. Swansea had told him in his office must have made him pretty upset, because you had barely seen a flutter of his coat as he exited the hospital before he was gone again. You clutched your clipboard tighter to your chest, always hoping that he’d be safe out there, no matter what he was. Lady Ashbury was here again tonight, supplementing the loss of nurse Crane by helping with the night rounds. She was so graceful as you watched her travel and speak to some of Pembroke’s worst-off patients. She was almost hypnotizing, you supposed that was a part of her being an ekon: that ethereal beauty, eternal and captivating, it could really steal your breath away. Jonathan did that to you too, all he had to do was look at you and you flushed. You realized with a groan that he must always be aware of the effect he has on you, for surely, he can hear your heart pounding harder whenever he talks to you or brushes a hand down your arm. You really are an open book to him as he says. Finding your thoughts on him again also made you realize that you were absolutely taken with him, he filled your thoughts most nights – and most days too. You wondered absentmindedly if he perhaps felt the same for you. Even Dr. Swansea noticed that he seemed to favor you in this hospital, so it couldn’t all just be in your own head could it? You hated how you must look to others right now, staring but not focusing, neglecting your rounds in favor of standing at the front desk and aimlessly shifting through papers and folders.

Something pulled you from your thoughts: a scream.

It was coming from the right side of the hospital, and you sprinted to see what was happening when a door slammed open and the sound of sick squelching and the scent of blood made your head spin. Instinctively you reached to protect your patients, spotting Ms. Thelma Howcroft standing stock still, eyes wide with horror next to the horrific scene. You pulled her out of the way just in time before the shattering of a window made you both flinch into each other. You looked up just fast enough to see Mr. Hampton sprinting towards the front of the hospital, but not before he turned to you, his once soft brown eyes now stunningly golden, and his face and clothes covered in blood. He whipped back around and took off into the pitch-black night, and your heart skipped beats as you and Ms. Howcroft clung to each other. This… really wasn’t going to be helping her with her disorder was it?

Nurse Branagan rushed into Ms. Harriet Jones room to see the absolute destruction that had transpired within the walls. Ms. Jones was… gone. All the commotion brought Dr. Swansea flying out of his office, running down the stairs – almost tripping- and coming up beside you. Ms. Howcroft had now sunk to her knees and was clinging to your leg, and you kept a hand in her hair as she sobbed.

“What in God’s name happened here?” Dr. Swansea yelled.

Lady Ashbury walked in cautiously from outside, coming beside Dr. Swansea and whispering softly into his ear. Blood drained from his face as he stood there, pale and shaking slightly. “This isn’t good. Oh, this is very bad.” He murmured. He turned to you, nurse Branagan, and nurse Hawkins, who were all gathered around the room.

“We need to get this cleaned up as soon as possible. I and the other doctors will take count and check in on all the patients, so just focus on cleaning up as much of the blood as possible. This is very bad, this is…” He trailed off as he turned and headed towards the other side of the hospital to calm the patients that were yelling and demanding answers. The other nurses turned and headed to the back room to grab some buckets and towels, and you were left unable to move still as Ms. Howcroft remained motionless latched onto your leg. Lady Ashbury walked up to you and for the first time, you stood in front of her, taking in all of her intoxicating aura. It was dizzying, maybe even more so than the heavy copper scent of blood in the air. You wondered briefly if it bothered her, before you were jolted out of your thoughts by Lady Ashbury bending down to speak softly to Ms. Howcroft. Her voice was like honey, silky and smooth.

“Shh, sh, sh, it’s alright Thelma, you’re safe. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll get you some water?”

Ms. Howcroft stopped crying and looked up at her.

“I-I don’t need _water_, I need _blood_, and its everywhere because someone wanted to infiltrate my hunting grounds!” She was still shaking like a leaf, her disorder pushing words from her mouth but her true instinctual fear evident. Lady Ashbury sighed and flickered a glance up at you. You watched the interaction intently.

“Are you alright, my dear? You’re not hurt, are you?” You registered that she was talking to _you_ and shook your head like an idiot. Lady Ashbury accepted that and turned back to Ms. Howcroft. “_Now, now, Thelma, I’ll get you whatever you need. Why don’t you let go of this nurse’s leg so we can do that, hm?_” Your body gave a full shudder as you stood in close enough proximity to hear and _feel_ the mind-bending, will-breaking, sultry voice of the ekon below you sink deep into Ms. Howcroft’s bones. She wordlessly took Lady Ashbury’s hand and stood with her. You barely whispered out a “thank you” before the Lady and her patient had turned and walked away towards the other side of the hospital.

Your heart was pounding in your chest. Everything had happened so fast, everything felt like it was crashing around you. Nurse Branagan came up beside you and rested a soft hand on your shoulder. She wasn’t one for comforting when there was work to be done, but she saw your distress and couldn’t help but try to offer some solace. Your gratitude showed on your face when you turned to look at her with a small smile, and you took the towel out of her hands to begin wiping up the floor.

Hours later, the hospital was still in disarray, but the mess was mostly cleaned, and you and the other two nurses stopped for a bit to take a breather. It was then that the guard arrived.

You heard shouting outside. You had almost no time to register the situation, but instinctively ducked behind a door, breathing fast. McCullum stomped into the hospital wordlessly, not daring a glance at anyone and not answering the frustrated calls of Dr. Tippets and nurse Branagan as he made his way up the stairs and pounded on Dr. Swansea’s door. You watched the doctor open it in surprise, only to begrudgingly open it wider to let the intimidating man in. This was bad. He couldn’t see you, he couldn’t _find_ you here. You had to go somewhere. You had to hide away before he came out of that room again. Oh. Yes, you could go there. Though you felt guilty about leaving your fellow nurses to deal with the rest of the mess themselves, you took advantage of the collective confusion throughout the hospital at McCullum’s arrival to slip upstairs and quietly lock yourself away in Jonathan’s office. You hoped he’d come back soon. But you also felt bad for what he was about to walk back into. You waited anxiously, feeling sick and exhausted from it all. Sitting down on the small bed in the corner of the room, you didn’t even realize your eyes had shut, and you were snoring quietly in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey, its ya girl, i PROMISE, the angst is coming next chapter. its all been building up baby, and its all about to break down. also i couldn't help but get a lil gay for lady ashbury cause lets be honest, shes a snack. bless up


	7. Chapter 7

Jonathan landed softly onto the balcony. His eyes were still puffy from crying, but he scrubbed his face with the back of his hand, trying to will the tears away. Your scent caught his attention, making him stand a bit straighter and try to appear more put together. He cautiously peered into his room to find you sleeping peacefully on his bed. His cheeks flushed as he watched you, noting the slow, steady beat of your heart and the soft exhales as your chest rose and fell. You looked so… beautiful like this. He felt his immortal heart beat harder, and he took a deep breath before taking a seat slowly next to your sleeping form. He brushed the soft hair away from your eyes and smiled, rubbing away the last of his tears into his shoulder. So much has been taken from him, but – he realized – this was one thing that’s been given to him out of all of this. You, and your kindness and your beauty and your softness. He wished he could lean in closer to your warmth, slip into bed with you and just sleep. He lived in a constant state of hungry and tired and frustrated and depressed and by God, if it wasn’t starting to get to him. But oh, to sleep, to sleep next to someone comforting and warm and alive… how tempting…

  
Your eyes fluttered open as his hand caressed your face. You instinctively leaned into his touch, grateful for the contact, loving the tenderness of it. You adjusted your focus to look better at his face. You saw the red rings around his eyes. He was still sniffling slightly, you had never seen him so vulnerable in your life. There was once a time where you didn’t even believe his kind could have feelings like this. How wrong you were. You reached out and mimicked his actions, pressing your hand to his face and rubbing your thumb across his cheek. You two pressed your foreheads together, so close, such a tender moment that you wished could last forever, except…

  
Except oh God, how long had you been out? The hospital, Mr. Hampton, McCullum… it all crashed down on you. Your heart sped up uneasily as you realized the reality of the situation. Jonathan immediately noticed the change and sat up a bit, confused.

  
“Is something wrong?”

  
You almost wanted to cry just looking at him, wanting to get just as close as you were to him again, you wanted to hold him and never let him go. You wanted to hurt whatever had made him cry, you didn’t want to have to tell him but…

  
“It’s just that… well… oh God, it was awful, it’s not your fault, it’s just that- it was Mr. Hampton, and it all happened so fast and now-“

  
Jonathan’s eyes went wide, all sadness gone, replaced with shock. He stood quickly and headed for the door. Throwing it open, he was greeted with the overwhelming scent of lingering blood. It made his stomach turn with sickness and hunger. You stumbled out of bed, still shaking sleep from your body. You two heard a bang coming from Dr. Swansea’s room, and Jonathan walked over to the doctor’s door. You tried to call out to him before he could open it.

  
“No! Jonathan don’t go in there! McCullum is-!” You gripped onto his coat as he wretched the door open. McCullum locked eyes with Jonathan from across the room as you flew away from the doorway in fear. You flattened your back behind a medicine cabinet, willing your heart to slow down. Had he seen you? God if he had…

  
You heard him yelling some more about leeches in the hospital and heard him stomp his way over to the doorframe. Oh God, he wouldn’t hurt Jonathan, would he? Not here in the hospital, with so many people around? You shuddered at the thought, knowing how irrational McCullum can sometimes be, and prayed that he would just leave.

  
“You can’t hide from the guard.”

  
A shiver went up your spine hearing his voice so close. It had been so long…

  
You heard footsteps walk away and descend the stairs, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You slumped against the cabinet, utterly spent from this whole night. A sob threatened to wrack your throat before a hand touched your shoulder calmly. You nevertheless jumped, turning your head quickly to face Jonathan.

  
“Sorry, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you… that man is gone now.” You felt bad for always making him apologize for scaring you. You were a bit faint-hearted, if you were being honest. Jonathan pulled you into a slow side embrace, as he walked with you back to Dr. Swansea’s room. You kept your head turned and nuzzled into his side, feeling safe. Dr. Swansea’s back was turned in his chair as you two walked back into the room.

  
“By the sacred Stole, this is very bad news. Bad news indeed.” He swiveled around, rubbing his temples and looked up. He looked at Jonathan first, then you, then back to Jonathan. Jonathan’s grip on you only tightened. He felt… protective of you, in a way. He wanted you there with him. He knew it might not be best to involve you in such things; it really wasn’t fair to you, but you seemed to already be slightly knowledgeable about this world, so it’s not really his fault is it? He could tell that Edgar was confused though, Jonathan didn’t really understand either. Perhaps this was some sort of vampiric instinct? He cleared his throat uneasily.

  
“(y/n) is- she is aware of my… condition. If you don’t mind, perhaps she could stay and listen? She could be helpful.”

  
Edgar smiled softly but knowingly and nodded. He leaned his head back against his chair in frustration. Jonathan’s brow furrowed as the tenseness in the room settled into his bones.

  
“What happened?” He finally asked, disengaging himself from you and walking over to Edgar’s desk.

  
“The hospital has been attacked. We have injured patients, at least one dead and several missing. It’s all spiraling out of control…” Edgar rested his elbows on his desk and bowed his head in his hands. “Even the most infirm patients are weary of remaining here.” He whispered. Jonathan frowned deeply.

  
“We cannot have people lose faith in this institution. This hospital is there only hope.” Edgar looked up with wide eyes at Jonathan’s sincerity. He blushed a bit and cleared his throat.

  
“You are certainly right, but we cannot afford to have a scandal like this happen here, it could ruin us! We must restore order here as quickly as possible.” Jonathan nodded and thought for a moment.

  
“You mentioned a dead patient. Who were they?”

  
“Miss Harriet Jones… her room was found destroyed and coated in blood, I’m sure nurse (l/n) can tell you more about the state it was in…”

  
Jonathan turned to you. You rubbed your arm and dropped your eyes. “It was awful. I heard screams and breaking glass. And then I saw Mr. Hampton run by me. I never even saw Ms. Jones, God only knows what happened to her. She wasn’t in the room when we checked in it. Me and the other nurses have been… doing our best to clean it up.” You sighed, the images in your head sticking to your consciousness, so much so that you saw them vividly when you closed your eyes. Jonathan hated to see you so tormented, he now knew the horrors that existed in this other world he had been thrust into against his will, and it upset him that your gentle soul had to be dragged into all this mess. He turned back to Edgar, resolved to do whatever was possible to make things right.

  
“I want to help you in any way I can Edgar. Please, tell me anything and I’ll do it.” Edgar felt so at ease knowing that he had Jonathan here to help him, he almost couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found him.

  
“I know this place means something to you. I see your dedication to your practice and how you suppress your appetite around the staff and patients. I can imagine it’s not easy for you. But you do it out of the love of your work. You’ve had so much thrusted onto you, yet you persevere out of your love of helping others. It’s really quite admirable.”

  
Jonathan felt emotion well in his throat. He hated how easily he could be brought to tears, it was unbecoming. He blinked a few times to keep them at bay, deeply touched at Edgar’s kind words.

  
“I need to know… do you trust me?”

  
You had come up beside him now and were watching his expression as he spoke. You could see the nervousness written on his face as he asked Edgar that question. He must really value Edgar’s opinion of him to be so concerned.

  
“I do, my friend. I do.” Edgar smiled and straightened up a bit, feeling a bit lighter by talking with Jonathan.

“So then, tell me, what do you need from me?”

  
“It appears Sean Hampton must have been infected when he was attacked back at the docks… he must have just taken a long time to show the signs.”

  
You recalled the pale sickly skin and bright yellow eyes that bored into you when Sean had looked at you. You shuddered a bit.

  
“He’s definitely turned. I saw him briefly before he ran from the hospital.” You muttered out loud.

  
“Yes, and now the Guard of Priwen suspects the hospital of vampire activity. Do you realize what that could mean for us?”

  
Jonathan grimaced at the thought of Priwen coming here and raiding the hospital. Surely, they wouldn’t, not here, would they? He subconsciously reached for you, linking his arm with your own.

  
“If they were to come, I would protect you. I’d protect you all, and this hospital.”

  
Edgar stood and came around to lean against the front of his desk so that he could talk to the two of you closer. He reached out and patted Jonathan’s arm.

  
“I’m sure you would, but McCullum is a fanatic. The Guard will stop at nothing once they’re set, you don’t know what they’re really capable of. They’ve committed such atrocities in the past…” Hearing McCullum’s name made you think of him, and you were definitely inclined to agree with Dr. Swansea. McCullum was nothing if not dedicated, dangerously so. You feared what would happen if they chose to close in here. You prayed they wouldn’t.

  
“Very well then. I believe, since I was the one who brought Sean here in the first place, I should be the one to retrieve him. I’ll put an end to this whole mess, so that attention gets drawn away from here.” He looked down at you and you looked up at him, always admiring those crystal eyes of his. “(y/n), you said you saw Sean before he ran off, did you see what direction he went towards?” You pursed your lips and thought. He had exited through the front doors and you hadn’t really been able to see much after that because it had been so dark.

  
“Well, I didn’t really see where he left, I just saw him go. Though, if I had to make an educated guess, I’m sure he would have wanted to go back to the docks to get back to his night asylum. He takes care of homeless people there, and he’s very protective of them. I’d try there first.” Jonathan nodded and put a hand on Edgar’s shoulder reassuringly.

  
“I’m going to do my best Edgar.”

  
“I know you will. I have faith in your abilities, just… be safe.”

  
Jonathan nodded and with that, he let go of the both of you and headed towards the door, looking back at you to see if you were following. You gave a small bow to Dr. Swansea and thanked him for his time. He stopped you for a moment though, looking into your eyes.

  
“Look after him if you can, okay?” he whispered to you. You both understood the importance of aiding Jonathan through this confusing time, and you realized that he had chosen you to be one of his companions. You couldn’t take that for granted, you hoped that you could really be there for him to help him if he needed you. You turned and jogged over to Jonathan’s side, and you walked out of the office together, with him shutting the door behind you two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yuh YEET lets get this BREAD  
also btw imma shamelessly plug my tumblr @plantbun if anyone wants to follow me there, i like... bideo games


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to have a crack at this after seeing the comment on the last chapter encouraging me, :,) you're too kind, I'm so glad that people like my story. Here is the long awaited angst, I really like writing dialogue so i hope this is actually like. good? maybe its just rambles who knows. the moral of this chapter is i could really use a hug and so could jonathan so here we are.

When you looked up at him, he looked despondent. He sagged his back against the door and rubbed the balls of his hands into his eyes. You got closer to him and pressed your body against him, letting him know you were there. He stayed in that position for a bit, ruminating over all that had happened to him that night. The funeral, Fergal, his confession, that mysterious voice of his maker. And now this disaster at the hospital. It all bared down on him like an anvil. And he had to be strong, he had to be the one to fix it all. It was all tied to him, all the roads led to his front door, and he had no choice but to accept it. He had no choice…

  
He felt the cool tears run down his face, and a soft sob wracked him before he could bite it back. You immediately swooped your hands up to cover the hands over his face, caressing and smoothing out his hair. You felt tears in your own eyes at the sight of his pain, and you realized that you needed to be the one to be there for him, right here, right now. He could not help this hospital if he could not help himself first and foremost. With that in mind, you slowly began to tug him away from the door and back to his office. He didn’t struggle, simple walked and continued to hide his face behind his hands. When you both were inside you shut the door quietly and let him walk over and sit down on the edge of his bed. You took a seat next to him, and let the silence hang like a blanket over you. Peering at him, he seemed deader than ever, skin sickly pale and eyes bloodshot and tired. He seemed sunken in, you were afraid that you may not be able to pull him out of the hole that had been dug for him. Slowly, you rested your hand on his own that was resting on his knee, and that seemed to bring his attention to you for a moment. He sniffled, the tears never stopping but falling silently now. You didn’t realize how hard this must all be for him; his turning and struggle to find himself again, and all the horror and suffering that was suffocating London every day making it even more difficult. So much empathy ran through you, there was so much you wanted to say, you wanted to offer everything to him if it would make him feel better. Before you could speak to let all that emotion flow out, Jonathan surprised you by speaking first.

  
“I’m sorry for this… outburst. Its unlike me to be so vulnerable in front of people. I don’t know what’s come over me, even though I’m dead I feel like I’m dying. Every new responsibility that is placed upon me feels as though it could crush me under the combined weight of it all. I should be used to this stress, being in the war had me seeing this sort of stress daily, and yet- and yet… now… now it feels different…” He trailed off, looking away.

  
“I… I get it, Jonathan. I’m sure you trained for your position in the war. You knew those sorts of things would be coming when you left. But this, now, it’s a whole new world for you I can imagine. One that’s scary and full of secrets and shadows, you’re all of a sudden surrounded by the unfamiliar, and I don’t blame you for being overwhelmed by it all.”  
Jonathan’s eyebrows furrowed in deep thought. “I just wanted to get back to London to see my mother. Oh god, I just wanted to see my sister. I missed my family so much, and now, I have torn them apart.”

“What do you mean? Surely you shouldn’t blame yourself for-”

  
“I killed my sister. I held her in my arms, and I murdered her. I hear her sobs in my head at night. It haunts me.”

  
You shuddered at the pain in his voice as he confessed his sin to you. The agony that wracked his throat, he could barely utter the words. He didn’t dare look at you, not wanting to see how the truth to his monstrous nature would reflect in disgust on your face. He continued speaking after a pause, feeling all the pain rush out of him like the opening of a dam.

  
“I didn’t know… she came looking for me where the dead lay in heaps. I awoke and I was confused and so hungry- I couldn’t think, God I couldn’t even see. Everything was red; all around me was that smell and it penetrated me, and I moved not on my own accord. When I heard her voice, it sounded like music, but I could barely hear it over the sound of her heart. She… she was so happy to find me, and I killed her. I couldn’t stop, she just wanted to be with her brother again and she was punished for that. How could I? How- could- I…”

  
He was back to sobbing again, words coming out in fragments. You had your arms around him in an instant. You cried too, at the tragedy of his life, at the loss of his loved one, at the unfairness of fate to hurt him in this way. How could you blame him, when he didn’t even know what was happening to him when it occurred? You couldn’t- you didn’t. you needed to tell him so.

  
“Oh Jonathan, that is not your fault. You didn’t even know what you had become. How could you have known what would happen?

  
“She didn’t deserve that though. She had already suffered so much loss, and I should have been there to make her feel better, to reassure her she had not lost everything.”

  
“You cannot be what everyone needs all the time. We all falter, we _all_ stumble. Sometimes it's worse than other times. But if we stop moving completely, we will never be able to continue our lives.”

  
“How can I move on with my life when my life is not even my own anymore? I am removed from such a thing, existing in this limbo forever.”

  
“’Living’ is a frame of mind, the way I see it. One can be medically ‘alive’ and not be living. To live is to see the world for what it can offer, to go out and find the things that bring your existence meaning. You can still live Jonathan, even if you’re not alive.”

  
You scooted closer to him and nuzzled your head under his chin, letting his tears fall into your hair. He buried his face into your soft locks and held you closer.

  
“It’s all just so much, everyone expects so much of me. I am an ekon with incredible strength and endurance, but I am new to this, and I feel some forget that I grapple with my humanity every minute of the day. I still feel these feelings of mortality, I still struggle with my own existence. Lady Ashbury and Edgar mean well, but I feel as though they see me as someone who’s already past that, but I’m not. I still don’t understand so much… my maker eludes me; this epidemic continues to take lives while I stand by helplessly observing… I feel like a child again; who has been placed in the role of a leader without care.”

  
You let him speak. You let him get it all off his chest. Slowly, _slowly_, you noticed his shuddering start to die down. The flow of tears slowed. You looked up when he finished and met his eyes, now soft and worn out.

  
“You may be an ekon, but I see you for you. To me, none of that matters. The weight of your burden is heavy- I can see why you struggle to bear it. It doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you a child. We all carry burdens, and no one can carry one like yours forever without burning out.”

  
“But I cannot abandon my responsibilities here. These people are counting on me.”

  
“You don’t have to abandon anything. Setting your burden down is not the same as leaving it behind. What you are doing right now is setting it down. You are taking a break- a well-deserved one. You are existing without binds, speaking without a filter. I… I’m so glad that you can confide in me… the idea that I can help you in some way, after all you’ve been through…”

  
You felt yourself tear up again, and without thinking, pressed your lips quickly to Jonathan’s. You were still as a board, so afraid that he might reject you, might think that now isn’t a good time, but instead, he set a cool hand on the small of your back and kissed you in return. The contact felt so nice. He had gone so long without this emotional intimacy, he believed for so long that he was unworthy. But you made him feel like he _was_. That alone made him cry again too, and you two sat there for a bit, kissing and crying. It was emotional. It was vulnerable. You were there for him, and now he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got some more energy flowin through me so stay tuned for more story babeyyy


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chappy... I think I know how I'm going to wrap this story up, im honestly so relieved I've continued to write it, I'm excited to write the coming parts, itll be more exciting than this chapter i promise haha

Moments cannot last forever. Reality must eventually fall back upon you and restore you to the present. Though you wished it didn’t have to end- you wished you could stay in his solid embrace forever. It felt so natural to be curled around him, even as you listened to his unnaturally slow heartbeat pumping, reaffirming the foreignness of his being in the subconscious of your mind. But the way he gently touched you, caressed your shoulder blades and down your spine made you shiver with warmth and comfort. This was not unnatural. It wasn’t foreign, really. It felt like the opposite of that, like this was home. And even though you two eventually began to untangle and looked to each other in blissful silence; you both understood that though you may not always be able to come home, it would always be there waiting for you.

  
The moment had come to an end. Jonathan stood slowly, coming back into focus and checking his watch for the time. It had been hours since the incident had occurred, he rubbed his temples thinking about the distance Sean must have put between them by now. You moved to rub his forearm reassuringly.

  
“You will find him. I can almost guarantee he’s at the docks, so I would head that way.”

  
You two had sat in a calm silence for so long that the sound of your voice slightly jarred him. It felt melodic, flowing smoothly in harmony with the solid beat of your heart. Just as you thought of him as a pillar of strength and hope, he too felt grounded when around your solid, warm form. With you, he felt he could weather any storm. With your reassuring words tucked away in his mind for comfort later, he held out his hand for you to take and you two headed towards the balcony. He leaned down in order to kiss you chastely on the lips. As he parted, he whispered to you,

  
“I will return to you, I promise.”

  
And then he turned and jumped off the balcony, fading into nothing but a mist of black haze. You blinked in awe at seeing such a supernatural sight so close up, and watched his form reappear a distance away and walk off into the night. You’d only seen his kind a handful of times, and every time it left you speechless. His words lingered in your mind, a promise he had made to you. You leaned against the railing and sighed, knowing that the coming days would not be easy. But nothing rarely is easy, isn’t it?

  
Turning back to face inside the hospital, you pulled your hair back, left the room, and descended the main stairs. The blood was (mostly) cleaned up from inside Ms. Jones’s room. The stains that adorned the ceiling would have to remain for now. There was no longer a blood trail leaving the hospital, but the memory remained. You saw Lady Ashbury soothing a sleeping Thelma at her bed, and the doctors grouped together in another room discussing in hushed tones with each other. Most of the other patients had calmed down and were sleeping as it was nearly 4am. The attack had come near midnight, you wondered what had transpired outside between then and now. You hoped that no one out there had been hurt by Sean’s uncontrollable state. Most of the staff were taking a break for now- well earned after the tiresome night. You took a seat next to the other nurses, who looked at you accusingly. Pippa rolled her eyes after some silence and leaned back.

  
“Didn’t see you much while me and nurse Brannigan were stuck doing all the hard work. Funny that you’d show up now that it’s all done.”

  
You frowned. “Hey, I’m sorry Pippa, doctor Swansea had something he needed me to do. I wasn’t just trying to skip out on helping. Plus, I _did_ help clean up right after it happened.”

  
Nurse Brannigan spoke up, making Pippa fall silent without response. “What did doctor Swansea need from you (y/n)? Is something wrong?”

  
You were now buried in this half lie, you scrambled for an answer. “I was right by Ms. Jones’s door when the attack happened… he wanted me to help him document everything when he made a report about what happened at the hospital.”

  
This seemed to satisfy the other nurses, at least, they didn’t seem so upset at you anymore. It made you feel bad when others were upset at you, you wished that you could go back upstairs and lay in Jonathan’s bed- taking in his scent and falling asleep surrounded in it. The other women looked exhausted too, you noticed, and as you looked out to the dark sky outside, you prayed for morning so that you could go home and dream away this nightmare if only for a little while. Maybe he’d be in your dreams. You hoped so.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, an update!! sorry to keep you all waiting. college has been rough but its chill time now, and that means update time... and backstory time owo please enjoy!!

The night passed and the day came. After crashing at your house most of the morning, you spent most of your afternoon with Dorothy, who questioned you about Jonathan’s whereabouts.

“I haven’t seen him in a while. I was hoping he’d come visit soon, there is a patient here with a strange illness I wanted to ask him about, plus I’m a bit short on funds so I was hoping he’d need something from me.”

You were wiping down some equipment from her, trying not to focus on him but finding that he invaded your every thought. And it seemed as though he managed to capture the minds of many others as well. It became obvious to you as you strolled through Whitechapel earlier. Everyone seemed to have met him, and everyone had something to say about him. He’d given medicine to some, run errands for others. Only appearing at night to offer help where he could. The town was buzzing with a life it hadn’t in so long. You couldn’t believe one person could make such a difference, but here was the proof right in front of you. It filled you with a kind of hope too, as though you could do the same thing. Dorothy rolled her eyes as she saw you aimlessly wiping the same scalpel for 5 minutes. She knew you tended to space out, but this was really something. She walked over and flicked you lightly on the forehead, bringing your attention back to her. Your eyes widened as you looked at her and realized you hadn’t answered her.

“Ah sorry, I haven’t seen him… last I heard he was headed the opposite way, towards the docks.” Dorothy’s eyes widened.

“Why in God’s name would he head there? Only good thing there is the Turquoise Turtle, but you still wouldn’t catch me down there willingly.” She wiped her hands off on her apron and looked out the window into the courtyard. “Oh, it seems as though Darius is calling me for something.” You stood, placing the last dried medical tool into its case.

“Oh, that’s okay, I was about to head out anyways. I’m going to… run some errands.”

“Ha, errands? Makes it sound like you’re ‘headed down to the market’ or something. Most people don’t ‘run errands’ these days; you’re a terrible liar (y/n).” She said jokingly, nudging your side with her elbow as she headed for the stairs. “Well, whatever these “errands” are, good luck with them. I won’t pry, we’ve all got secrets to keep.” You huffed out a small laugh.

“Yeah, you could say that…”

Later that day you were packing a few things in a small bag to hang around your waist. The “errand” you were intending to run would be to go after Jonathan. You realized after he’d left that you wanted to go with him. You wished you had opened your mouth and told him so. You wanted to help him if you could, or at least be there to offer support. This desire only strengthened throughout the day as you saw the impact of his deeds in the people you knew. He was the type of person that you wanted to stick to. Someone you wanted to hold onto and never let go. There was so much misery in this world, and he had managed to be a ray of sunshine to cut through the darkness. Funny, how he could be so similar to something that could kill him. Being alone for so long left you yearning for the closeness you had with him. The mysteriousness that shrouded him and the danger his existence brought you meant little to you in the face of the happiness that came from being by his side. you’d seen danger, you’d known fear, and anger, and depression. None of those things scared you anymore if it meant a soft embrace from Jonathan at the end of it. If it meant that you two could relax together once more, resting in each other’s arms, then it would all be worth it.

First though, you had to find him. You were going to check the docks, talk to Tom at the Turquoise Turtle – see if he’s heard anything. Then… you were going to go to Sean’s night shelter. If he was there… then Jonathan would be there. You knew it would take a while to trek down there, and you’d have to pass the hospital to do it. Your shift wasn’t for hours, but you knew you wouldn’t make it in time. That’s okay though, this felt more important. People could be in danger with Sean on the loose like that. The same worrying thought flashed through your mind- who knows how many more people he’s attacked…?

You began your journey, cutting through dirty, damp alleys so as not to be questioned by the people in Whitechapel, and similarly as you snuck around the hospital borders, watching your coworkers’ bustle in and out of the hospital doors tending to indoor and outdoor patients. When you were finally past the hospital, you were fairly certain no one would readily recognize you. It was then that your thoughts began to wander once more as you allowed yourself to be whisked away by them. You thought of Jonathan, and his grace, his strength, his passion. You saw a kindness towards humans that you rarely saw in ekons. Lady Ashbury seemed to hold a similar kindness towards the living- you didn’t know her well, but it seemed that way. The only other ekon you had ever known (was that the right word?) well… ah, the memories… they’re coming back… though you tended to block out your past, here it was invading your thoughts as you crossed the bridge and entered the docks.

The truth was, before you worked at Pembroke- a job so kindly given to you by Dr. Swansea- you were a medic for… the guard of Priwen. You grimaced thinking about it. But you were hard up for money, and you were sad, and the job offered you peace most of the time. Men would come in with scrapes, gashes, broken bones- nothing you couldn’t wrap up or set. Other than that, you were mostly alone in your small little office tucked in the back. You read a lot about vampires at that time. Documents scattered around the base, pamphlets and reports and studies. But you’d never seen one. That was, until that fateful night when McCullum entered your room to give you a task- field work. You stared at him dumbly, but he just mumbled about low turnout and lack of members. It pushed him to resort to you. You had known that recruitment was low, but it must have been pretty bad if he’d come to you. You’d never held a gun let alone shot one. But still, he set you up with some weaponry and you were off with two other men who looked at you strangely as you followed behind. It made you feel very self-conscious. The night saw your first encounter with a skal, a disgustingly deformed person-_like_ being that made your stomach turn with fear. The men in your group dispatched it with effort, it seems as though they were pretty new to the job as well. As they continued to walk, you kept your head down and stayed quiet, wishing that the route would be over already. It was then that you bumped into the back of one of your partners. Looking up, you saw why they had stopped. In front of you all stood an ekon, who also seemed to be working to kill a rogue skal that had accosted him. He looked up at you all with those deep red eyes you’ve now come to be familiar with, and it all happened so fast. The men in your team yelled and brandished their weapons, one lighting his crossbow tip aflame and taking aim. You shakily gripped for your gun, not fully knowing how to handle it. The ekon dropped the corpse of the skal and faded into mist before landing quite close to you three. This spooked you all and the men ducked quickly behind you. You seemed to be frozen in place, unable to run- unable to move. Behind you, you heard one of the men cock his gun and take aim, but in his fear, he fired and hit you. You screamed and recoiled, falling to the ground and curling in on yourself. You’d been hit in the shoulder; the pain was unlike anything you’d ever known. From the ground you watched the ekon stand motionless as your team ran from you and into the darkness, leaving you to die at the hands of a monster.

As you laid there, you began to cry. It was pathetic, but it was impossible not to. You’d been hurt and abandoned by the very people you’d been helping for so long. The ekon in front of you gently kneeled to you and rolled you so that you were looking up at him. It was hard to see his face, it was dark, and your eyes were bleary with tears. He gently cupped your face and wiped the tears away with his thumb.

“life hasn’t been very kind to _you_, has it?”

He chuckled a bit and it made you cringe, but then you saw him move to take off his coat. He used it to wrap around your bleeding shoulder and tie it tight to stop the bleeding. You cried out weakly in pain, and he shushed you soothingly. Why had he helped you? You suppose, looking back, he probably took pity on your small, trembling form. Pathetically curled up on the dirty street, dying, abandoned by your people. It didn’t really matter to you anymore. He carefully lifted you into his arms and started to carry you somewhere. When he neared his destination, he stopped and looked at you. You were barely conscious- tired and in pain. Pursing his lips, the last thing he said to you was this:

“I just hope, in the future, you’ll find a way to return the favor.”

He then set you gently down in front of Pembroke hospital, far enough away that he wouldn’t be seen but that you would. Then he was gone. You never saw him again. You were saved though, the staff at the Pembroke healed you and you were sent on your way. The only lasting memory to prove that night happened was the scar on your left shoulder. After you were free to leave the hospital, you went home and packed all of your few belongings, leaving behind everything that connected you to Priwen. You left and never looked back. McCullum probably thought you died. You’re sure that’s what the men in your group told him. You found a new place, lived for a while off the meager wages you’d earned at Priwen, and then the money started to run out. You needed a job. You tried many places but nowhere was hiring. The first wave of the flu had closed up many shops and left you desperate. You’d spent the day hunting for jobs and finding none, when in the distance, you saw the roof of the Pembroke. Your feet kept you moving toward the hospital, maybe this was it. At the entrance, you asked one of doctors if the hospital was hiring. He seemed surprised but directed you up the stairs to the head of the hospital’s office.

You were nervous but pushed through the fear. You knocked on the door and a lively voice told you to enter. This was the first time you’d meet Dr. Swansea. You’d never love another employer more. You told him your situation and described your experience as a medic. At the end, you spoke of your desire to turn over a new leaf. You wanted to help people. You wanted to return that favor the way that ekon had asked you to. Dr. Swansea seemed to be sympathetic to your plight and gave you the job. You’d never felt more relieved. That was a good memory in your mind and was dear to your heart. Every day that you got to help someone get better was another way you were returning the favor of that ekon would had saved your life. Life was precious, and you’d been given another chance at yours. You began to walk with more purpose as you remembered that. This second chance had allowed you to meet Jonathan, and like hell you were going to let that slip through your fingers. Coming back to the present, you noted you were close to your destination. Rounding a few more corners you spotted the Turquoise Turtle. Hopefully, you’d get some answers there.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me, always posting late at night. but the update is here, come and drink :o

As you approached the Turquoise Turtle, you spotted a large puddle of congealed, drying blood. You quickly headed into the pub to see Tom washing some glasses behind the counter. You pulled up a chair at the bar to get his attention. He turned and gave you a warm smile.

  
“Ah, (y/n)! To what do I owe this pleasure? I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

  
Before you got down to business, you caught up with Tom, accepting a drink from him and chatting about your lives. When you had finished, you turned and pointed to the mess outside.

  
“Do you know anything about that?”

  
Tom eyed it wearily. Huffing, he tossed his washcloth over his shoulder and pulled up a chair in front of you.

  
“Yea, it happened last night. Some man was killed- right in front of my bar! I tell you, it was horrific. A bunch of people gathered around, some from the docks, some that I didn’t know well. Fancy doctor was there too, talked to me for a while. Quite a charming man, he was.”

  
Ah gosh. It seemed you could hardly go an hour without Jonathan being brought up. He must truly be a spectacle to many, with his looks and mannerisms. You wonder if he knows how he affects people.

  
“Yes, I know that doctor. He’s- he’s my friend. I work at the Pembroke now, he works there too. I was trying to find him actually; do you have any idea which way he went?”

  
Tom scratched his chin. “Ah well, last night he was asking about where Sean Hampton might be around here, it seemed like he was trying to find him or something. I told him that if he wanted to find him, he should try his night asylum. Then he left.”

  
You figured that’s where he’d head. Thing is, you weren’t quite sure where Sean’s night asylum was.

  
“Could you tell me where I might find it, Tom? It’s really important that I find him. It’s um… hospital related.”

  
Tom peered at you and smiled a bit. “Yea, it’s north west of here. If you just follow the bank, you’ll find it. It’s in a big abandoned warehouse.” He paused for a moment. “Are you here alone, (y/n)?”

  
You frowned, shrugging. “Yeah I am. It’s daytime so it’s safer. Like I said, it’s important that I find him. It’s not like I can wait around for an escort.” You smiled a bit. You could see he was concerned about you.

  
Tom rolled his eyes. “Yea, yea I know. It’s just with that murder and all, right out in public. It’s bad y’know? It’s getting real bad here. I tell that to Sabrina too, but she’s real stubborn like you.” You looked around but didn’t see Sabrina.

  
“Where is she, if I might ask?”

  
Tom blushed a bit, almost unnoticeable, but you saw. “I told her to take the day off, didn’t want her around with all the commotion from last night. She tried to protest, but I told her I’d pay her for the day anyways even if she stayed home.”

  
It was sweet to see them growing closer. Sabrina was a tough nut to crack, but you knew she was smitten with Tom. They both had walls to knock down to get to each other, one brick at a time.

  
“Well, I hope I can see her again soon, tell her I said hello. I think I’ll be on my way, I want to try and be there before sundown.”

  
Tom nodded in understanding. You paid him for the drink and thanked him for his help, then you headed out. Careful to follow along the bank, you soon spotted the top of a large, decrepit building that you realized must be the night asylum. You walked quicker, desperate to find Jonathan. Surrounding the area, you saw many tents and makeshift homes, lots of people bustling around. You tried to blend in- you didn’t want to draw any attention. The building looked even more in shambles up close. It was very open and barren. There was a woman scrubbing the floor near the back of the warehouse, you figured that wherever Sean was, Jonathan would be with him. You walked over to the woman and tapped her gently on the shoulder. She looked up at you with a smile, wiping her brow and sitting up.

  
“Hi there, miss. Is everything alright? Can I help you?”

  
“Hello, my name is (y/n), I’m looking for Sean Hampton. Do you have any idea if he’s here or where I could find him?”

  
The woman stood and held out her hand for you to shake. You shook it, giving her a smile incomparable to her radiant one.

  
“It’s nice to meet you (y/n), I’m Lottie. Mr. Hampton came in last night, he looked like he’d been real sick. He’s been in his office since then, but he was kind enough to say hello to me and my sister before that. Did you need to see him for something? If you need help, I can assure you he will definitely be able to accommodate you! And if you need a friend, I’ll be here.”

  
You thanked her for her kindness and warm welcome, assuring her that you just needed to speak with him about something. She pointed out the entrance to his office, and you bid her farewell and headed over. Standing in front of his door, you swallowed a few times before nervously knocking. You heard footsteps. Then, a voice spoke up.

  
“I’m sorry, I’m not feeling very well at the moment, try coming back later, I may feel better then.”

  
So at least he was here. You needed to speak with him then. If you had found him, then Jonathan must have last night. But where was he? You steeled yourself.

  
“Sean Hampton? I’m nurse (l/n) from the Pembroke. This is um, important. I’ve come looking for Jonathan. I know he was searching for you. Please, I just want to know where he is.”

  
You heard more footsteps, but no response. Your heart was racing with anxiety. To come all this way, through a place as treacherous as the docks, it was something you had never done. Something you would have never thought of doing before. Before… Jonathan, you suppose. He filled you with a strength and courage you didn’t know you could have. To be here now, you had to find him. Sean needed to let you in…

  
You jumped as you heard the chain lock on his office clang and the door opened softly. He peeked out at you, again with those big golden puppy eyes. He opened the door just enough so you could see him -judge him- for what he had become. He definitely had the physical traits of a skal: greyed, sore-riddled skin, red rimmed eyes and golden irises. He looked upset, but as if he was trying to hide it. You had only met him a few times in your life, and never in a real face to face way (besides when caring for him at the Pembroke). You kept your face expressionless. Granted you weren’t exactly afraid of Mr. Hampton, but you were definitely uncertain about him. He’d hurt people, he was a creature that could do great harm. Sean seemed to take your indifference as begrudged acceptance, and opened the door wider for you to come in. You stepped in with a small bow, grateful for a chance to talk with him. You didn’t like judging books by their covers. In a world as mixed up as this one, it didn’t usually fare well to do so. The room smelled like blood and flesh. You stumbled a bit as the smell made you dizzy. Sean caught your elbows and helped you sit down. As you regained your composure, he was running around you trying to tide up the… mess that he must have made. Who had he killed to make such a mess? Another innocent person? You cleared your throat.

  
“What are you doing back here? I mean… with what you are, and how you’ve hurt people, why would you come back to a place where you’re supposed to help people?”

  
Sean stopped and turned to you. His face looked sullen, but not confused, almost as if he’d had this conversation already. “These people are my people. I must be there for them to guide them along the right path. I would never harm one of God’s children. We were all placed here for a reason, and I know my reason. That’s why I came back.”

  
“But what about Ms. Jones? And that murder down by the docks? That wasn’t you? Ms. Jones room looked awful when we saw it… who could have done that?”

  
Sean ceased trying to get the blood out of the knots in his wooden table and sat down with a sigh. “I know you’re looking for Jonathan. And yes, he was here. I told him the same things I’m telling you: I didn’t kill those people. Ms. Jones is… she’s different now, in a way I don’t understand, but she’s with people now who might understand."

  
Your eyes widened. “You mean Ms. Jones isn’t dead?”

  
“She’s… in a different state of being. ‘Not dead’, maybe. But not alive either. Similar to me, I suppose.”

  
Your head swam with confusion and questions. “And the docks murder?”

  
“That wasn’t me either. Ms. Jones was telling me that someone… was following her. Talking to her. I wouldn’t allow her to bring harm to anyone on our way here. But it seems as though whoever she was talking to did. I… I don’t know any more than that.”

  
He seemed so sincere. You sighed in resignation and rested your forehead on the table. Sean stood and began lighting candles in the room as night had set. You realized how long of a day it had really been. You were exhausted. You looked up at Sean.

  
“So where is Jonathan now?”

  
He sat back down with you, offering you a cup of water. You took it and sipped while he spoke.

  
“I sent him to meet with Ms. Jones to get the answers he was looking for. I’m waiting for him here so he can make his judgement upon me.”

  
You frowned at the vagueness of his answer. But you decided not to press, instead continuing to sip on your water while you grappled with this new information. The silence was heavy and uncomfortable, much like the lingering smell of blood in the room. You set your cup down.

  
“How does it feel? To be a skal, I mean. I didn’t know your kind was capable of coherency. I’ve only ever read about them being vicious and unintelligent. No offence…”

  
You ran your hands through your hair nervously. Sean considered your question for a moment, twisting the beads of his cross necklace.

  
“There are many skals would can hold some form of competency. I believe I am a bit of a special case though. This existence is… different than what I’m used to, but if this was God’s plan for me, then I shall do whatever it takes to see it through.” He paused. “My skin kind of itches. And my diet. It’s, unsavory. There is no shortage of food for me though, but it’s definitely something to get used to. Rest assured, I’d never feed on the living. The dead suffice just as well. Their souls have already departed for heaven- and feel no pain.”

  
You mulled over the ethics behind his reasoning. Perhaps you were more inclined to understand people, because you realized you couldn’t really fault him for wanting to live. Wasn’t that what you were all trying to do right now, survive? You looked at him with softened eyes and reached over to pat his hand that was resting on the table. He looked relieved that you understood. Now to get Jonathan to see the same thing.

  
He asked if you might wait with him for Jonathan to come back. You agreed and talked for a long while into the night about many things. Life, religion, poverty, morals. Sean was very interesting to talk to, and actually quite funny. He also gave good advice and was a good listener. You supposed that comes with being labeled as a “saint” by the many who seek him out. Even though he had become a skal, he was just as kind and soothing as anything, you were confident that his new appearance would mean little to the people who looked up to him. His personality hadn’t changed one bit.

  
You looked up at the clock and saw that it was nearing 2am. You could feel yourself drifting- the long trek to the docks and the mental exhaustion were quickly catching up to you. Just as you almost felt your head hit the table you heard a low scratching sound as a bookcase in Sean’s office slid away from the wall. You saw Sean stand out of the corner of your eye. Following his gaze, you saw him. Jonathan. He was wet, and smelly, and looked a bit worse for wear. But god, when you locked eyes with him, you nearly fell out of your chair in your rush to hug him. He was so focused on Sean that he didn’t see you at first, but when he did, he caught you easily in one arm as you leapt into a hug, wrapping your small arms around his neck as he held you off the ground. You pressed a small kiss to his cheek, feeling a jolt of energy reinvigorate you back to wakefulness. He set you down and, with that goofy confused face of his, asked,

  
“(y/n)! You’re here? Wh- what are you-“

  
“I’m here, Jonathan, I’m here. I decided that I wanted to come with you, to help you if I could. Being without you just felt, well wrong to me.” You didn’t know how to describe how you felt. You buried your face into his coat instead. God it smelled bad. Where had he been?

  
“It’s… So good to see you, (y/n).”

  
Jonathan smile dropped when he looked from you to Sean. You stepped back from him so that you could allow them to talk about whatever they needed to.

  
“You waited for me.” Jonathan started.

  
“Of course, I waited for you. I am a man of my word. Did you get to speak with Harriet?”

  
“Yes… she, she looks awful. Disfigured in a way I’ve never seen before. All of them, down there, you knew about it?”

  
Sean nodded. “I protect the skals in the sewers as well as the living above the surface. All of them deserve help I can provide. It is my duty- why I was placed here in this torn up district. I do not discriminate between God’s children.”

  
Jonathan must have been in the sewers, you realized. You leaned back against the table as you listened to them, dawning on you that there must be a whole population of skals down there. Were they like Sean- capable of conversation and thought?

  
Jonathan seems hesitant to accept. “How can you know that you won’t hurt the people you are trying to protect? You are a skal now, you could be a danger to them.”

  
“I think I can learn my limits. I could ask you the same question, considering both our works involve human beings. There must be a level of faith entrusted upon us in order to continue down the path laid out for us. God would have it no other way. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  
Jonathan found it hard to argue. “I… I fully believe that you didn’t kill anyone. But I worry about what your future holds.”

  
“You and I have been given the gift of eternity. We can now use it to carry out His divine will forever. I intend to do so. We, together, can use this blessing to help people for all time, amen.”

  
Sean lifted his candle and walked around Jonathan to light a few more in a holy shrine mounted in a cabinet. Jonathan looked to you, and you both silently agreed that Sean was a pinnacle to this district. The people here needed him. Jonathan didn’t want to disturb that careful balance the docks had found. He was almost ready to take your hand and leave Sean to his work, when he remembered something the leader of the sewer skals had told him.

  
“Sean, I- I envy the peace you seem to have found in your new life.” Jonathan said with a small flash of sadness written on his face. “When I was down in the sewers, Old Bridget told me that vampire blood is very potent in healing properties. It could enhance your metabolism; it could heal you. If you wanted, you could have some of mine.”

  
Sean turned from his task and looked curiously at Jonathan. You too, were curious as to what Jonathan meant by “healing”.

  
“I… I’m not sure. It seems it would be rather awkward, don’t you think?” A small blush creeped up on Sean’s cheeks. It looks strange against his greyish skin tone.  
You realized what he meant. You imagine feeding from someone might be a bit… personal. You jolted up straighter.

  
“Oh, shit- I. If you’d like me to leave, I’ll do so.”

  
Sean still hesitated, But Jonathan was already rolling up his sleeve. Your face started to burn red like Sean’s as you backed towards the door and quickly opened and closed it so that no one could see inside. Why did the idea of being fed on make you blush? Oh god, you could not think about this right now. You heard some more mumbling through the door as you stood by it. You waved awkwardly to Lottie, who had been woken from you shutting the door a bit too loud, and she waved back sleepily before turning back on her bed to sleep. You really wish you could do that right now, but it would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, to note a few things about this chapter, i changed the interactions between jonathan and sean a LOT, mostly because it was a weird exchange in a game, and i dont know, i definitely dont like jonathan bringing up seans past trauma in order to persuade him to drink his blood. I definitely like sean a lot so i hope i did okay writing the dialogue for that scene? I wanted jonathan to be a bit more empathetic to sean's situation i guess lol.  
Also! I think we are coming up on our last chapter... its been so fun to write for you all, the people who commented and gave kudos to my story are the ones who encouraged me to finish this piece, and I'm really happy with it. thanks for all the love. I've alreadt begun the next chapter so cant wait to finish it! :D hope you all enjoy


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally... after 3000 years... its here...

The next moment seemed to happen in slow motion. In front of your eyes, a body fell from the roof of the warehouse and splatted with the most sickening sound you’d ever heard. You shrieked, causing many of the night shelter’s inhabitants to wake uneasily and look around in shock. You felt vomit rise in your throat as a pool of blood formed around the body, and behind you the door flung open, Jonathan running right into you and catching you easily. He shut the door, Rolling his sleeve down quickly. The two of you looked at the body at once and sprinted towards it, along with a few others that were near the entrance. You ran ahead and looked up at the roof but saw nothing. Had this man jumped off? But how would he have gotten up there? There… wasn’t any roof access in this building…

People were shaken. Such a grotesque scene right in front of a place that was supposed to be a safe haven felt like a threat. You approached Jonathan again as he just stared at the body. He knelt down slowly and picked up a shiny piece of metal held in the dead man’s limp hand. It was an intricate design, flowers and gold. So beautiful.

“Mother’s broach…”

You knelt down with Jonathan, not hearing the words he had whispered.

“Jonathan, what is it?”

“This broach was given to my mother from father. It was a birthday gift. I… I don’t know how this man got ahold of it.”

His eyebrows were scrunched up in agony, the thought of his only family left being in danger making his stomach churn. He searched the body some more, finding the man’s wallet with an address in it.

“29 Pretty Orchard Street.”

He stood, clearly shaken, and looked around a bit dazed. He was exhausted, hungry, and confused. Everything was happening so fast, someone purposely killed this man and set this up because they knew that he was here. That broach was meant to be a hint to their motives. He couldn’t worry about how he was feeling, he had to go to the man’s address to find more information. He had to find his mother, make sure she was safe. He had to…

You touched his arm gently, grounding him for a moment, enough to look down at you. Panic set in as he realized that if this assailant knew he was here, he must know about you too. He gripped your shoulders and pulled you aside, and you went along with a yelp.

“(y/n), listen to me. I think that someone is watching me, following me. This murder was meant to get my attention. Harriet Jones told me that someone was speaking to her, they asked about me- wanted to know where I was. There’s someone out there and I… I’m afraid. I’m afraid for the people I love. My mother, the hospital, you…”

You reached up and held his face with a determined look.

“Whoever this person is, I know that you will be able to bring this terror to an end. This person is a coward, if they cannot face you directly, then you need not be afraid of them.” You wiped away a stray tear that rolled down his cheek. “You are not alone Jonathan. You have many allies who are here for you and will fight for you._ I_ am here for you. I exist, you can count on me to _always_ be in your corner. This person wants you to be afraid. But if you fight them with confidence, they will be powerless against you.”

Jonathan hugged you tightly, relishing in your kind words and affirmations. He thought of you often, and most times he felt he didn’t deserve you. There were so many times where you tempted him, where his hunger had been so great that he was afraid he might hurt you, but the kindness and love you had shown him despite it all was almost too much to bear. He believed the words you say, no matter how much his self-doubt screamed at him that he was unworthy, that he was a monster- a killer. If someone as wonderful as you could find a way to love him, then maybe he wasn’t so bad.

You peppered kisses along his cheek and jaw, smoothing his mussed hair down. Oh, how you longed for this, how you yearned for these moments; both of you tucked away and experiencing a moment that was just for the two of you. The weight of his responsibilities dragged him down and you lifted him up, pulling him towards something better.

He couldn’t lose you. No matter what happened, he needed to keep you safe. He placed a small kiss on your forehead and breathed in your scent once more, shuddering at the effect it had on him.

“I’m going to take you back to the hospital now. You’ll be safe there.”

You went to protest but he quieted you with a finger to your lips, before scooping you up and walking off, slipping out of sight of the crowd of people now standing around the mysterious body.

He walked much faster than you, never tiring of holding you or of your journey. You were able to reach the hospital again while it was still dark. The shadowy streets were misty and ominous, but you felt safe being held by him- you knew nothing bad would happen to you when you were with him. He looked up at the balcony of his room and down at you in his arms.

“I’m not- hm, I’ve never tried-“

He was speaking to himself. He must have made up his mind before you could figure out what he was talking about because he gripped you a little tighter and then you felt yourself lose sight of the world around you- just for a moment- before everything came back at once. You gasped in shock as you realized you were _on _the balcony now. Jonathan must have jumped and faded up there with you in his arms. You felt very dizzy and shut your eyes to stop the world from spinning.

“Are you alright, (y/n)? I should have warned you…”

You gave a weak thumbs up as he came into his room and set you down gently on the bed. He sat down too, taking off his coat which would definitely need a wash from being in the sewers. He didn’t want to admit it to you, but he was feeling so weak. He couldn’t recall the last time he fed, and his fight with the monstrous Fergal in the sewers had taken a toll on him. Even healing Sean had been a chore. He didn’t want you to see him in such a weakened state, but he supposed it was too late for that. If he was going to let his guard down to anyone, he was glad it was with you.

Slowly you regained your senses and sat up to be closer to Jonathan. His shoulders were hunched, and his eyes were closed in thought. You noticed his skin had begun to take on a greyish hue, almost like that of a skal. It worried you- if he was going to be going after whoever this mystery assailant was, he definitely wasn’t in the right state to do so. Your face scrunched as you thought of what to do. If he waited too long, this person may become angry and attack him. But if he went now… he’d surely be injured.

Jonathan opened one eye just a bit to peer at your concentrated face. It made him smile.

“What are you thinking about?”

You looked up at him, unaware that he was watching you. You blushed.

“I was just… thinking about how to help you.”

Jonathan laughed tiredly and laid back on the bed, with you hovering over him nervously.

“You’ve already helped me more than you know. I couldn’t possibly think of anything more you could do for me except just being you.”

His words made your heart flutter but at the same time, surely _existing _couldn’t be enough. You felt like you needed to take action, you wanted to step forward with solutions. The first problem was taking care of Jonathan. He needed to be at his best. And well, he was an ekon, so he needed blood. Your heart pounded as the conjured image of Sean feeding off of Jonathan entered your mind and you cleared it away, squeezing your eyes shut. If you let Jonathan do that to you… he’d feel better.

_But it would hurt. And he could kill you. _

_But he wouldn’t. _

_But what if he couldn’t stop? _

You groaned as your thoughts tumbled over each other, fighting for some semblance of coherency. You flopped beside Jonathan in frustration, and you heard him chuckle and take your hand in his. The cool feeling of his palm cradling yours in a tender embrace quieted the arguing in your mind. You knew you could trust him; your mind was made up.

“Hey… Jonathan?”

“Hm?”

“If you’re going to go back out tonight… you’re in no state to- I mean, what I mean to say is-“

Sick of stumbling over your words, you sat up suddenly and blurted out,

“You should feed on me so that you can get your strength back!”

That got his attention. You just putting the _idea_ of feeding in his head made it spin with hunger. Have you really no clue what this type of urge really does to him?

He sat up as well, looking sternly at you.

“You have absolutely no idea what you’re asking for. it’s absurd to even propose. I would never do something like that to you. I couldn’t. I won’t.”

But the way you stared close at him, you could see his resolve was thin. His barrier was broken down, he was weakened from hunger and fatigue. Neither of you could deny that a good meal would get him going and would allow him to stop this killer hunting through London. You softened your gaze, pleading silently to let you help him, if this was how you could do it, you wanted to. Jonathan rolled his eyes as you gave him that innocent doe-eyed look; you really knew how to get to him. A perfect match. A perfect pair.

“What if I hurt you, (y/n)? I could never forgive myself. After everyone that I’ve already hurt… I’m afraid.”

This situation was bigger than the two of you, though. The epidemic was affecting all of London. This killer- rampaging and murdering people in the streets. Sometimes, things need to be given for the better of everyone. Jonathan could stop it. The disease, the killer, the deaths at every turn; you saw it in him. He had the ability, he just needed to realize it.

He watched you reach for him- taking his hands into your own. His eyes looked to you with wordless gratitude. He needed it so bad but could never ask with words. The offer you had presented to him took the responsibility off of his shoulders; a responsibility that he hated to fulfill, a necessary evil. You guided his hands around you, so he was holding you close and slowly tilted your head to expose your neck to him. You felt your heart pound as you committed to your decision. He wordlessly brought his face closer to your neck and you shuddered as he exhaled sharply against your skin. He was so hesitant- his lips pressed against your neck like a feather, trailing soft kisses along the junction of your neck and collarbone.

“Are you sure?” he said without looking up. You nodded and that was all he needed before he kissed your skin once more and bit down as gently as he could into your neck.

You admit that your pain tolerance is… not good. But you bit your tongue hard to prevent a scream from spilling out. Instead a strangled noise of pain escaped you, which you followed up with soft rubbing of his arms to assure him you were okay. You didn’t want him to stop because he’d hurt you. You knew it would hurt. The initial pain of the bite fizzled as he pulled away his fangs and began to drink from you. It was a feeling you could not describe, but it was definitely strange and unfamiliar. He tightened his grip on you like he might lose you, digging his fingers into your back. You shuddered as the room began to spin a bit, you whimpered and tapped him to tell him that he should stop. He hummed, and you felt him loosen just a bit. He was trying to stop, and it was agony to let go, so unfamiliar to him the feeling of releasing before the person was drained of life. He shuddered at the thought of it and the difficulty he was experiencing right now. What kind of monster was he to only know the experience of taking a life? He was a doctor- he should be _saving _lives.

He pulled away at once, slightly disgusted with himself but also woozy from being full after so long of being empty. You felt a trickle of blood run down your neck and clasped a hand tightly over the bite marks to stop the flow. The motion caused Jonathan to refocus his eyes and bring his attention to you, noticing your pale skin and slight sway. He moved your hand away and grimaced at the bruising and deep gouges.

Suddenly he was up and anxiously walking around the room, grabbing you a cup and filling it with water; pulling a towel off a high shelf to stop any extra bleeding. You smiled lazily at his hurried actions, seeing how much he cared for you in how much he wanted you to be comfortable. He walked back over to you and pulled the blanket off the bed to wrap around you snugly. Then he put the cup in your hands.

“Drink.” He said as he carefully dabbed the hand towel at your neck. The look on his face gave away that the wound looked nasty, but that wasn’t something a bit of bandaging couldn’t hide. You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead, trying to smooth away the worry lines that creased his beautiful face with concern.

“Jonathan, I’m fine, really.” You chuckled as his bright red eyes flickered all over you, as if still unbelieving that you were fed on and managed to come out okay. He was supposed to feel terribly guilty- he shouldn’t have done what he did, but there you were – smiling at him, reassuring him that he was okay, that _you_ were okay. He breathed a sigh of relief and stood slowly, stroking your hair before turning and heading to the medicine cabinet to grab some gauze and bandages. Thank goodness he wasn’t only a careful vampire, but also a doctor.

You neck was expertly wrapped up, though the process was slow going for every time you winced in pain Jonathan kissed you and apologized for bringing you pain. To which you had to nuzzle close to him and remind him that you were fine, and you were thrilled that you could help him feel better. When the moment was finished, Jonathan sighed as he stood and looked out to the balcony.

“You know, I never thought I’d want to have someone with me that could potentially be hurt by what I have to do. But it almost… pains me to leave you. It’s like I’m grappling with the selfless desire to keep you safe and the wholly selfish desire to have you with me always.”

He looked at you with tears beading in his eyes.

“I… I love you, (y/n). And that’s why I’m going to set everything right. So that one day, I won’t ever have to leave your side.”

He leaned over the bed to tuck you in so you could rest and regain your strength. As he did so you spoke with your heart in a tiny, quiet voice.

“I love you too, Jonathan. Hurry back to me when you can.”

His kissed your eyelids as they closed and pressed his face into your hair one more time to keep your scent kindled in his mind.

He had to leave now- to find this person who was threatening the people who he held dear to his heart. Doing so meant he had to leave you, but he’d come back. He straightened and crossed the room to throw on a new set of clothes and head out to be the savior that London so desperately needed. You’d fallen asleep almost as soon as he pulled away, but the warmth of his love filled your dreams and let you sleep soundly. You looked forward to his return, you had a feeling there was still much to do, but if you two faced it together, you knew you’d get through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR BEING W ME THROUGH THIS JOURNEY!!! i love everyone who read my story and commented and left kudos and encouraged me to continue writing!! i hope this ending is okay, you must know i love the succ so reader had to get the succ... but yes! I may write more for this in the future but for now im just so happy that I finished this piece its the biggest piece I've ever written and I'm proud of myself it was a joy to write! much loves to all yall sweeties
> 
> **Edit 2/17/2020: added a bit more mushy gushy dialogue at the end so that you can swoon over our sweet vampire doctor a bit more.

**Author's Note:**

> will update when the feeling to write strikes. if you like the story, please hassle me to finish it lol


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